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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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Coffee's ready.
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One thing I want to do
is get all these old magazines out of here.
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They're doing nothing
but collecting dust.
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Mary Jo,
do you mind?
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That clipboard's
dusty, too.
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We did say inventory.
Wear grubbies.
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Well, I'm not
the grubbies type.
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You'll never catch me
wearing those tacky little designer jeans
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with somebody's name
across my behind.
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You mean like the ones
Julia has on?
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Yes, well, I suppose
they do give women of a certain age
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an illusion of youth.
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Personally,
I don't need them.
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Well, that's
a pity, Suzanne,
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because your jeans could
say the designer's name,
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the bylaws
of the I.L.G.W.U.,
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and several choruses
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of Look For
The Union Label.
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I don't know what it is,
but there's something about this that's, well, darn it,
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just a lot of fun.
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You can have it.
If you think this is fun,
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then I feel sorry
for you.
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Well, now, Suzanne,
people have different ideas of what's fun.
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That's right.
In order to have a good time,
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Mary Jo doesn't have
to spend every weekend
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being thrown off
Brus Duncan's party barge
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into the
Chattahoochee River.
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I didn't say that.
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I just said
if she thinks this is fun,
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then maybe she needs
to reassess her life.
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00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,462
Why? I think
her life's just fine.
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She has a rewarding job
and two great kids.
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Yeah, but what does
she do for fun?
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What do you mean?
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See. She doesn't even
recognize the concept.
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Of course, she does.
Mary Jo has lots of fun. Don't you, Mary Jo?
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For instance,
what did you do last night?
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Last night?
Well, let's see.
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I made dinner
for the kids, I did some new Math,
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I traced all
the President's heads...
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Lincoln's
is the biggest, if it ever comes up.
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I rest my case.
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Okay, so my life
isn't exciting.
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I don't have time
for excitement.
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Well, Mary Jo, I hate to agree
with Suzanne,
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but you haven't
been out with anybody
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since you and Ted
split up.
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Well, according to Newsweek,
you'd be wasting your time
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because anybody over 30
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has very little chance
of marrying anyway.
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Hey, what are you
talking about?
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Let me see that.
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Let me see it.
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When did they come out
with this?
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About four months ago,
see it's when they blew up Chernobyl
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Well, that won't ring
a bell with her
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you have to relate it
to something Suzanne finds news worthy
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like Michael Jackson's head
catching on fire.
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This is just ridiculous,
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I mean, do you believe
this nonsense?
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Suzanne, where you been?
People magazine did the same story
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with Donna Mills and
some other old maids on the cover.
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Don't you remember
everybody being up in arms about it?
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No, I must have been
in Tijuana having those lamb injections.
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You know, every time I see
this graph,
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it just makes me mad
all over again.
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Every age group
has its own color.
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Mine's pale blue.
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I'm in
the never-been-marrieds.
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Nerve of them.
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Well, at least you had a color.
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As I recall,
single women with children didn't even show up.
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For a minute,
I thought we had brown
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then I realized Quinton had
dripped Fudgesicle juice on it.
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Well, I think this is all
a lot of foolishness.
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I am over 35,
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and I can assure you,
if I wanted to get married again,
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I wouldn't let
a little thing like a graph stand in my way.
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According to this,
your age group has a better chance
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of being killed
by a terrorist.
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Yes, well, I think
the fella who wrote that
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has a pretty good chance
of being killed by a feminist.
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It's not
the magazine's fault, Julia.
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They're just
stating the facts.
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Well, the facts are Tom Selleck
and Burt Reynolds are even older
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than those actresses
on the front of that magazine,
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and you don't hear anybody
running around calling them "over the hill old maids."
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That's true, you know, men
can get away with anything.
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I mean, look at Reagan's neck,
it sags down to here.
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Everybody raves about
how great he looks.
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Imagine if
Nancy had that neck?
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They'd be putting her
in a nursing home for turkeys.
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If there's one thing I hate
it's when you all get off
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on one of your
socially conscious tirades.
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And Charlene,
I'm surprised at you.
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You usually stay off
of your soapbox.
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I don't know about that.
I have my causes.
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In case you've forgotten,
I'm the one who picketed
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when Cher didn't
get nominated for Mask.
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Never mind.
I wasn't talking about that.
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Well, I'm just glad I have
Mason. I don't have to worry about all this stuff.
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Now we just find somebody
for Mary Jo.
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Thank you very much,
but I'm happy with my life
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just like it is.
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Well, I think it's time
for a change.
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Suzanne, who cares
about what you think?
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It's Mary Jo's life.
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I know, but since I do know
the most men,
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I feel it's my responsibility
to fix her up.
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Let me relieve you
of that responsibility.
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I swear to you, Suzanne,
I'm not interested.
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My prime goal in life
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is to find you a date,
Mary Jo,
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and I will leave
no stone unturned.
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Well, that should
make it easy.
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After all,
that's where you find most of yours.
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Good morning.
Hi.
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Anything interesting
in the mail?
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No. Just Ed McMahon saying
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I may have already won
a million dollars in one of those sweepstakes.
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How exciting!
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You'll probably want to call
your family right away.
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You know, these things
always make me feel so guilty.
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I always send back
the envelope that says,
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"No, but enter me
in your sweepstakes anyway."
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If I won,
how could I face those people?
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Oh, come one, that doesn't
matter. I mean, it always says, "No purchase necessary."
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I'm sure they have to.
But you know they hate your guts
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if you never order
single one of their magazines.
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I just have this silly,
irrational fear that one night
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Ed's going to turn
to Johnny and say,
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"Well, Charlene Frazier sent
back the no envelope again."
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"Boy, has that woman
got gall."
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Well, good morning,
troops.
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I just had the most
wonderful brunch.
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I went
to Atlanta Stadium with Trammel Jennings.
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You know,
we're old friends.
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There we were in his
private enclosed box
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with TV, champagne...
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I didn't know they had games
out there in the morning.
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They don't.
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He wants his seats
reupholstered,
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so I just went
to have a look.
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One thing led to another,
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and the next thing I know,
we're having quiche, so I...
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That reminds me
of this story.
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These friends of my parents
aren't very sophisticated Bless their hearts.
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And one night they went
to this real fancy restaurant and ordered quiche,
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off the menu.
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Only they called it
a quickie!
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Can you imagine?
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Oh, you're joking.
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I'm not.
It was a hoot.
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Charlene,
you always do this.
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I was building up
to something.
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Oh, well, I'm sorry.
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Go ahead.
Build away.
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Anyway, as I was saying,
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Trammel and I are
sitting there talking at the stadium,
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and right in the middle
of him telling me
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how I'm probably the most
attractive woman who's ever sat in his box,
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In walks
J.D. Shackelford.
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So?
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Who's J.D. Shackelford?
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Oh, you know!
He's the head person
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that goes around scouting talent
for the Braves.
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I know him from when
my ex-husband Jack played second base.
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So, anyway, J.D. and I
start to talkin',
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and I find out
he's available,
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and I immediately
think of you.
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Oh, no.
What's the catch?
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I mean, why aren't you
going out with him yourself?
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Because I don't want to
go out with him.
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I've known him
too long.
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Anyway,
he's darling and funny and recently divorced,
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and you'll
just love him.
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Recently divorced?
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Oh, now I know
I'm not going.
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Now, what is the matter
with that? You're recently divorced, too.
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Yes, I know, but men are
different when they've just gotten out of a marriage.
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They've got something
to prove.
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They're macho
and crazy and nuts,
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and they all talk
about their ex-wives,
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and they've all got to have
sex on the first date,
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and frankly,
I just don't think I'm not up to it.
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Nope, nope, count me out.
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Not now, maybe not ever!
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But thank you anyway.
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Mary Jo,
for crying out loud,
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you don't have to
go to bed with this guy or marry him.
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You're just going out
on a date. Oh, come on.
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00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,994
There's no such thing
as just dating anymore.
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I read Cosmopolitan.
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00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,539
I know what's
going on out there.
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00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,332
And as far as I'm concerned,
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00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,251
you two are just
a couple of handmaidens
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00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,503
preparing me
for human sacrifice.
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00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,131
What do you think?
200
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,632
Oh, that's too
much eyeliner.
201
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,010
I look like
son of Cleopatra.
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00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,011
Oh, keep that.
203
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:16,431
Here. Rub a little
of this Vaseline on your front teeth.
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00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:19,350
It makes it easier
to smile whether you feel like it or not.
205
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:26,024
Actually, Suzanne,
when I don't feel like smiling,
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00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,484
I just don't smile.
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00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,487
Interesting concept.
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00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,571
[DOORBELL RINGS]
209
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Oh!
210
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:38,203
Shh, shh, shh!
Just get the door.
211
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,246
Julia!
What are you doing here?
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00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,582
You look lovely.
213
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,542
I'm just dropping
off that shawl you wanted to borrow.
214
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,128
Oh, thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
215
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:49,464
I thought I'd get
back to the store before you left,
216
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:52,801
but that IRS auditor
kept me waiting again.
217
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,886
Oh, how'd it go this time?
Was he better than the first guy?
218
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:57,931
Worse.
Now I'm demanding to see the supervisor.
219
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:01,267
What I can't understand
is why they keep adding on to our bill.
220
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,436
It's quite simple.
Julia insults them.
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00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,522
I do not.
222
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:09,359
You don't call "money-whoring,
cash-sucking cretin" an insult?
223
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,531
Well, that was just
to break the ice.
224
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,118
You know, sometimes
you say something so outrageous
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00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,120
everyone has to laugh.
226
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,624
You wait.
Next time, I'm going to kill them with kindness.
227
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,584
All right, ladies.
I think we should be going.
228
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,545
There's enough people
here already.
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00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,296
It's like high school
everybody sitting around
230
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,257
and waiting to see
what he looks like.
231
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:35,260
Charlene, I am not
waiting to see anyone.
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00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,554
I am dropping off
a shawl.
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00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,764
All right.
Okay, let's go.
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00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,808
I was here
to help out with introductions,
235
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,310
but if Mary Jo
thinks she can handle it alone...
236
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,895
Have a wonderful time.
237
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,021
All right.
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00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,940
And you
look wonderful, Mary Jo,
239
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:52,235
and just remember
you're not nearly as frumpy
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00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,321
and mousy
and ordinary as you might think.
241
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,410
Thank you.
242
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,705
Here is a quarter
for the pay phone, Mary Jo.
243
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,875
Mother always used to
give Suzanne and me a dime to call home
244
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,002
in case somebody
got too fresh.
245
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,839
I don't think Suzanne
ever used hers.
246
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:18,136
She eventually
used the money to go to Europe.
247
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,722
That's funny, Julia.
248
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,891
I'll hang on to it.
249
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,601
Break a leg.
250
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,352
Get out of here!
251
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,824
So...
252
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,911
You're J.D. Shackelford.
253
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:44,120
Well, Mr. Shackelford,
254
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:48,208
you have certainly
got yourself
255
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:52,378
a handful
of woman tonight,
256
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:56,341
And we are going to
rock 'n' roll and lose control,
257
00:11:56,341 --> 00:12:00,595
because you are man
and I am woman!
258
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,806
♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪
259
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:04,891
♪ I'll say it again ♪
260
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,101
And I'll say amen.
261
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,570
Well, you are parked
on the no-parking side.
262
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,781
And the sweeper
should be by any minute.
263
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,116
It's okay. I like to live
close to the edge.
264
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,702
Okay, but I think
they're going to notice a DeLorean.
265
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,996
You don't like my car,
do you?
266
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,414
No, no, it's great.
267
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,125
I just kept getting
my purse caught on the gullwing.
268
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,544
I sure do like
the way it handles.
269
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,837
Boy, you know it clocks out
270
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,006
at 60 miles an hour
in six seconds
271
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:40,051
and, to me,
that is almost as good as having sex.
272
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,220
Ha ha!
I know what you mean.
273
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,182
That was a great
little dinner we had, wasn't it?
274
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:49,686
Except the Burgundy
tasted like it hadn't quite breathed enough.
275
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,396
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I hate that
when you feel like
276
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,231
the Burgundy can't
get its breath.
277
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,526
J.D. Shackelford.
278
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,319
What is that J.D.
stand for?
279
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,445
James Dean.
280
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:00,947
Named for a movie star, huh?
281
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,700
Uh, no, no,
the pork sausage guy.
282
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:07,120
See, my--my mom
likes his singing.
283
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,998
Uh, would you do me a favor?
284
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,250
Would you mind
stepping out of your clothes
285
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,751
just for a few minutes?
286
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,628
I just want to, uh,
put my hands right there,
287
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,630
and then there's just
one other little thing I wanna try,
288
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,633
and then you can
get right back into your clothes again.
289
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,260
I just want to get
to know you better.
290
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,346
Me?
Don't be ridiculous.
291
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,306
There's nothing else
to know about me.
292
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,558
I want to know
more about you.
293
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,269
Oh, well, okay,
then I'll step out of my clothes.
294
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,312
Come here.
Yeah, come here.
295
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,569
Listen, J.D.
296
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:41,904
I'm sure
this happens to you all the time,
297
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,656
but I'm a little rusty.
298
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,701
In truth,
I am completely corroded.
299
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,746
I am also the mother
of two children
300
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,247
who happen to be with
their father tonight.
301
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,832
But they live with me,
302
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,460
and I don't spend
a lot of time in fancy French restaurants
303
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,920
worrying about
whether the wine has emphysema or not,
304
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,214
but I really like you,
305
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,884
and I would love
to go out with you again,
306
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:07,138
but frankly, it took
all the courage I had just for the kiss,
307
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,682
much less anything else.
308
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:12,852
I hope you understand.
309
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,520
Sure, I do.
310
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,563
I understand perfectly.
311
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,106
I am so relieved.
312
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,484
Goodbye, Mary Jo.
313
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,412
Julia, I think
the new auditor's here.
314
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,790
He's coming up the walk,
and he looks grim.
315
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,083
Got to be a Fed.
316
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,210
JULIA:
Okay, I'll be right out.
317
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,295
Oh, this is going to
be a complete disaster.
318
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,922
I don't think
I can stand to watch.
319
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,425
Hello.
I'm Ray Don Simpson
320
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,927
From the I.R.S.
321
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,387
I have an appointment
with Julia Sugarbaker.
322
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,098
Oh, yes.
Come right in.
323
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,641
She'll just be
a second.
324
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:52,725
Have a seat.
325
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,726
Thank you.
326
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:04,070
Suzanne, this guy
look familiar to you?
327
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:07,740
No.
CHARLENE: I just know I've seen him somewhere before.
328
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,660
[GASPS]
329
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,245
What's the matter?
330
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,247
I just remembered
who he is. I've got to tell Julia.
331
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,207
Hello.
How are you?
332
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,708
I'm Julia Sugarbaker.
333
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,044
Ray Don Simpson.
334
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,254
Nice place
you have here.
335
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,089
Thank you.
Please sit down. Thank you.
336
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,134
I do appreciate
your coming.
337
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:29,887
I wanted you to see
that my business is in my home.
338
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,222
Julia, I got to talk
to you.
339
00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:32,431
Not now, Charlene.
340
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,017
Can't you see I'm
talking to Mr. Simpson?
341
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,435
May I get you a cup of coffee?
342
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,979
No, thanks.
Tea?
343
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,773
No. We're not allowed to drink
on the job.
344
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,693
Well, then is there
anyone here you'd care to have sex with?
345
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:44,777
Julia!
346
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,572
Just a little joke.
347
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,407
A sense of humor!
348
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,242
I like that.
349
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:55,371
You know, you look
awfully familiar.
350
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:56,873
Have we ever
met before?
351
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,374
No, I don't think so.
352
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,168
I'm sure I'd remember you.
353
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,170
Julia, I got to talk
to you now!
354
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,841
Would you excuse me
for just a minute?
355
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,342
You know
the decorating business,
356
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,719
The people are
so high-strung.
357
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,220
Go right ahead.
358
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,355
Charlene, what has gotten
into you?
359
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,899
Don't you know
who that is out there?
360
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:26,694
Mr. Simpson.
Not just Mr. Simpson. Ray Don Simpson.
361
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,112
Doesn't that name
and face ring a bell?
362
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,822
No.
Don't you remember?
363
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,283
One time we were sitting
at Tokyo Gardens, waiting on Suzanne,
364
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,911
he tried to pick up
you, me, and Mary Jo.
365
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,579
He came over to the table
366
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,456
and you proceeded to
annihilate him in front of everyone.
367
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,457
Don't you remember?
368
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,584
He tried to introduce himself,
and you said,
369
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:44,921
"Oh, there's no need
for introductions, Ray Don."
370
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,422
"We know who you are."
371
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,424
"You're the guy
who's always"
372
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,760
"wherever women gather
and try to be alone."
373
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,053
"You want to eat
with us in hotels,"
374
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,596
"keep us company
on the plane."
375
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,223
And then you said,
376
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,058
"On behalf of all
the women of the world,"
377
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,352
"I want to thank you,
Ray Don."
378
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,605
I said that?
He just kind of tucked his little tail
379
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,941
between his little legs
and crawled to his little table.
380
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,652
This is that man?
381
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:13,366
I mean, you killed him, Julia,
and now we're all gonna die.
382
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,493
This is what you get,
Julia,
383
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:18,329
for always
going around acting like the Terminator.
384
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,917
At least he hasn't
recognized me yet.
385
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,627
No, but it's just a matter
of time. And I swear, Julia,
386
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,963
he's this much away
from remembering. What are we gonna do?
387
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:30,132
Just go out there and try not
to look at him head-on, and you do the same.
388
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,384
Come on.
I've got to get back out there.
389
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,477
Mary Jo,
what are you doing here?
390
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:44,188
Well, I work here.
Remember?
391
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:46,899
I'm just sitting here
with Mr. Simpson,
392
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,193
and we are trying
to figure out
393
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,153
where we know
each other from.
394
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,697
That's about enough
of that.
395
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,865
Don't you know
how unprofessional it is to leave your desk?
396
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:57,910
And look at you.
You haven't even sharpened your pencils yet.
397
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,747
This overhead lighting
is so bright.
398
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,375
Why don't we go
upstairs to my private office
399
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,002
and go over
some of these figures?
400
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,461
All right.
401
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,964
I may as well
tell you now.
402
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:12,842
I'm not a well person.
403
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,635
It's my eyes.
404
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:18,139
You see, they're allergic
to all artificial light.
405
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:21,309
I'll be fine as long
as it's dark.
406
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:24,854
Would somebody
please tell me what is going on?
407
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,230
Later.
408
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,190
First we want to hear
about your date.
409
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,026
You look rested.
It can't have been that good.
410
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,363
Well, it wasn't.
I mean, it was for a while,
411
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:37,199
but then he wanted me
to make a commitment.
412
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:39,785
He asked you
to marry him?
413
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,580
No. He wanted me
to commit
414
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,207
to having my lips on his
for a couple hours.
415
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,168
I just didn't
feel like it.
416
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,420
I know,
call me old-fashioned,
417
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:52,173
But I just think
it's impolite
418
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,966
for somebody
you just met
419
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,510
to put their tongue
down your throat.
420
00:18:57,762 --> 00:18:58,846
For me,
421
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,057
French kissing
is more personal
422
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,726
than what you have to do
to have children.
423
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,354
And I have no idea why
I'm telling you this,
424
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:08,648
because it's absolutely
none of your business.
425
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,899
Oh, yes it is.
426
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,025
I'm the one
who fixed you up.
427
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:13,569
I deserve to know
the details.
428
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,656
Well,
there aren't any details, and there aren't gonna be,
429
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,700
because he left mad,
and I'm sure I'll never hear from him again.
430
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:23,287
Hello.
431
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:24,872
Mary Jo?
432
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,248
J.D.
433
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,125
Uh, can I come in?
434
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,711
Sure.
It's a place of business.
435
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:31,754
Come on in.
436
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,632
What do you need?
437
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:37,510
A llama throw for
your king-size waterbed?
438
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,889
No. I just--I just came by
to talk to you.
439
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,141
Hi, J.D.
440
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,185
Hi, Suzanne.
441
00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:49,688
Do you mind?
442
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,654
Listen, I just want...
I just want to say I'm sorry about last night.
443
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:59,615
I was a major jackass,
and I want to be the first to admit it.
444
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,951
Hey, look.
It's--It's not your fault.
445
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:04,912
You're--You're just
a fast-lane guy,
446
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,164
and I'm
a bumper-car woman.
447
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:11,252
No, no, no.
Now, wait a minute. That is not true.
448
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,587
I am not
a fast-lane guy.
449
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,965
I drive and eight-year-old
station wagon
450
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,633
with a baby seat
in the back.
451
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:21,262
A ba...
You have children?
452
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:22,638
Three.
453
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,683
Suzanne didn't
mention that.
454
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,685
Well, Suzanne doesn't
relate to children.
455
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:30,896
She probably thought
they were very tiny adults.
456
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,858
Cute.
Yeah.
457
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,151
And the DeLorean?
458
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,278
Borrowed
from Trammel Jennings.
459
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,029
Boy, I hate
those gull wings.
460
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:42,783
Anyway, anyway,
I was trying to be something I'm not,
461
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:45,494
and that includes trying
to put the moves on you before you were ready,
462
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,830
and I--I just
want to apologize.
463
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,961
It's kind of hard
being divorced, isn't it?
464
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,212
Yeah.
465
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,382
It's kind of like your horse
got knocked off the merry-go-round,
466
00:20:58,382 --> 00:21:00,009
and everybody's
going around screaming,
467
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:02,470
"You got to get back on.
You got to get back on."
468
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,764
Yeah, I'm pretty sick of advice.
You know, actually,
469
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:08,642
I'd just like to relax,
go to a movie, get a pizza.
470
00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:11,228
That sounds wonderful.
471
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,397
Well, you want to
try it again this weekend?
472
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:16,192
I'd love that.
473
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:18,319
All right.
Well, I'll call you.
474
00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:22,573
Oh, uh, brought you
a little present
475
00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,074
Courtesy
of the Atlanta Braves.
476
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:25,576
Oh, thank you.
477
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,286
Oh, listen,
when I come by to pick you up,
478
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,455
would you mind doing
that little bit for me
479
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,623
in front
of the mirror again?
480
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,250
Get out of here
before I French-kiss you.
481
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,335
Whoa-oh!
482
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:43,802
Mary Jo,
he is absolutely adorable!
483
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:46,263
I know, I know.
484
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,849
So, Mr. Simpson...
485
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:55,898
I can't tell you...
486
00:21:57,441 --> 00:22:00,903
What a pleasure
it's been working with you.
487
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,489
Well, I think everything
is in such good shape
488
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:04,782
that there's a good chance
489
00:22:04,782 --> 00:22:07,368
we'll be able to throw out
the entire audit.
490
00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:10,412
Oh, won't that
be wonderful?
491
00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,915
I just can't tell you
how I appreciate
492
00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:15,543
your handling of everything,
Mr. Simpson.
493
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:18,254
Oh, please
call me Ray Don.
494
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:21,882
I know I know you
from somewhere.
495
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:24,802
Oh, I wouldn't spend
any time on it.
496
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:26,887
I have one of those faces.
497
00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,264
Right.
498
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:30,766
Anyway, I want
to thank you again
499
00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:32,476
for keeping
such good records.
500
00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:34,687
Don't mention it,
501
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,273
And I want to thank you,
Ray Don.
502
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:42,486
Now I know where
I've seen you before!
503
00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:54,123
["TEACH ME TONIGHT" PLAYING]